So you all know I finally got to meet my birth mother on Dec. 22. I'm not sure if it's really hit me yet. Possibly in a few days. Anyhow, Ms. Oh and I went down to Busan Wed. morning. Once we got there we went to the area where my birth mother suggested. We scouted out a coffee shop that was quiet and had a place where we could talk peacefully. Then Ms. Oh and I had some lunch before the meeting. At 3:00 P.M. she was waiting downstairs outside the coffee shop. I was sitting in the back waiting for Ms. Oh to come back with her. She came back and said she was already waiting outside the building. My birth mother sat down, didn't really look at me, and Ms. Oh walked away to go get our coffee. So I sat there with my birth mother without saying a word for a good 30 seconds. About 10 seconds in the tears started flowing.
The meeting went by pretty fast, we were only together for 40 minutes. But, it was definitely a good 40 min. The first thing she said was that I looked like her younger sister. Something as simple as that melted my heart. It's hard to explain that feeling when I look different from my ENTIRE family. But to finally see the face of the woman who gave birth to me and we have the same nose, double eye lids, and aparently similar teeth (according to her) it's just surreal. It's not something I can explain.
I was really worried that she wouldn't be too happy to see me. From the way Ms. Oh had told me about her talks with my birth mother it sounded like Ms. Oh put a lot of pressure on her. I do know that she does have a family and that she doesn't want them to know about her past and I respect that. But, I was just glad that she agreed to meet with me. And I could tell that she was glad she agreed to it too. Even if it was hard for her. To know that we can't contact each other again for quite a long time, but hopefully some day will be able to. She did request a picture of myself and the man I choose to marry. So, when that time comes I will send a picture to Eastern Social Welfare and hopefully they can get it to her. But until then there will be no more contact with her. I am OK with that. And I didn't even have to make myself pretend that I'm OK with it. I really am OK with that. Yes, I see a few of my friends who have good relationships with their birth families. But, for me, if it had happened then cool. If not, then cool. I have the best parents in the world and no one could take their place.
Some things I found out about my birth mother that she apparently passed down to me are her quiet nature when first meeting strangers. Her sensitivity likeliness to cry in emotional situations. Her puncutality, her nose, and her eyes.
As far as my birth father goes. Eastern has sent him a telegram which was actually given to his wife, but he has not tried to get in contact with Eastern. Ms. Oh said she will try again in Jan. That sometimes people don't respond, or wait and think about responding, or in my birth mothers case respond right away. For my birth father, whether or not I meet him isn't so important. I don't hold a grudge against him for not wanting to be with my birth mother anymore and deciding to give me up for adoption. For adoptees it's more the birth mother who is the most sought out.
This has been a LONG time coming and a great Christmas present. I had no idea that a year ago I would be living and working in the country of my birth and getting to meet my birth mother. If someone had told me that last December I think there would have been about a 50/50 chance I would believe them.
So here I am Monday at 3 PM sitting in a FREEZING classroom by myself. haha Such is life. But, 48 days until I get to go home!!!! For two weeks anyways. Definitely looking forward to Oklahoma. Back to where people speak English, back to good mexican food, back to family and friends. But until then...Winter camp must go on.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
One step closer??
Made a trip to the adoption agency yesterday afternoon to start my F-4 visa process. I needed to get my adoption certificate as well as my family registry from the district office. While I was at Eastern Social Welfare Society I also looked through my adoption folder and got information on my birth mother search. You already know that I did a search back when I was in high school and they had found my birth mother, but she was married to a man who was not my birth father, have three kids, and living with her in-laws. So, she did not want to tell them that she had a child from a previous relationship, so did not want contact at the time. That was something I was OK with. Now that I am here I decided to do another search to see if she may have changed her mind. Long story short, they found her and Ms. Oh, my new best friend, talked to my birth mother on Wed. At first she had no desire to have any contact with me because of her situation, which is still the same as before. But, with much persuading by Ms. Oh, my birth mother is thinking about the possibility of meeting me, even for just 10 min. Ms. Oh told me that my birth mother is scared for a number of different reasons.
1. That her family will find out about her past. In the states it’s not such a big deal to have had a child from a previous relationship. But here in Korea, people think differently. She asked Ms. Oh to ask me if I would not go on TV to look for her. There is a TV show here in Korea that a lot of adoptees go on to try to find their birth families. Apparently, she’s been very frightened that she will see me on that show one day because her in-laws watch that show. I assured Ms. Oh that I would do no such thing. It hadn’t even crossed my mind to do that. Ms. Oh told me that in exchange for that, she would see if my birth mother would meet me. Haha She said, she’s doing something for you, so will you do this one thing for her. I hope she doesn’t say it like that because it could all end in disaster.
2. She is still very angry at my birth father. Apparently she was very much in love with him and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, but apparently she was the only one that felt that way. They lived together for three months, but there was a lot of arguing and when I was born my birth father was the one that decided they would give me up for adoption. My birth mother said she had no choice.
3. She’s afraid that if she meets me she will want to keep in touch with me and in turn having her family find out. Upsetting her family is not something I am set out to do. So, I understand her situation. All I want is to see her face, to hear her voice, even if for just 10 min. and then go our separate ways.
Next, they have information on my birth father. This is the first time I’m even hearing most of this. Because the last time they said they didn’t really have any information on him. But, I told Ms. Oh I would like to try and contact him as well. But, after hearing what went on between him and my birth mother I’m not expecting much.
I did find out a little more about my biological half-siblings. There are three of them. Two girls and one boy. The girls are 24 and 21 (in Korean age…so 22 or 23 and 19 or 20 depending on when they were born.) And the boy is 16 (so 14 or 15). I don’t think that I’ll ever get to meet them, but just know their ages is enough.
At this point my mind is just all over the place. Do I think a meeting will happen? Who the heck knows! But, it’s one step close than I was before. I also found out what my birth parents were hoping for as far as the kind of family I would be placed with. They wanted a caring family who was rich….so my birth parents and I are definitely on the same page!! Hahaha Just kidding mom and dad! You’ve definitely given me everything I’ve wanted and more!
Oh a happy note, I think I'm going to start volunteering at the agency playing with the babies while I'm on vacation. Since I'm not going anywhere and will probably be extremely bored, I might as well so hold some adorable Korean babies, no? haha I got to see them yesterday and they were all just soooooooooo cute!!!!! So, I knew I just had to go back!
Well that about sums up everything. I’ll try to keep you posted when I find out new info!!!
1. That her family will find out about her past. In the states it’s not such a big deal to have had a child from a previous relationship. But here in Korea, people think differently. She asked Ms. Oh to ask me if I would not go on TV to look for her. There is a TV show here in Korea that a lot of adoptees go on to try to find their birth families. Apparently, she’s been very frightened that she will see me on that show one day because her in-laws watch that show. I assured Ms. Oh that I would do no such thing. It hadn’t even crossed my mind to do that. Ms. Oh told me that in exchange for that, she would see if my birth mother would meet me. Haha She said, she’s doing something for you, so will you do this one thing for her. I hope she doesn’t say it like that because it could all end in disaster.
2. She is still very angry at my birth father. Apparently she was very much in love with him and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, but apparently she was the only one that felt that way. They lived together for three months, but there was a lot of arguing and when I was born my birth father was the one that decided they would give me up for adoption. My birth mother said she had no choice.
3. She’s afraid that if she meets me she will want to keep in touch with me and in turn having her family find out. Upsetting her family is not something I am set out to do. So, I understand her situation. All I want is to see her face, to hear her voice, even if for just 10 min. and then go our separate ways.
Next, they have information on my birth father. This is the first time I’m even hearing most of this. Because the last time they said they didn’t really have any information on him. But, I told Ms. Oh I would like to try and contact him as well. But, after hearing what went on between him and my birth mother I’m not expecting much.
I did find out a little more about my biological half-siblings. There are three of them. Two girls and one boy. The girls are 24 and 21 (in Korean age…so 22 or 23 and 19 or 20 depending on when they were born.) And the boy is 16 (so 14 or 15). I don’t think that I’ll ever get to meet them, but just know their ages is enough.
At this point my mind is just all over the place. Do I think a meeting will happen? Who the heck knows! But, it’s one step close than I was before. I also found out what my birth parents were hoping for as far as the kind of family I would be placed with. They wanted a caring family who was rich….so my birth parents and I are definitely on the same page!! Hahaha Just kidding mom and dad! You’ve definitely given me everything I’ve wanted and more!
Oh a happy note, I think I'm going to start volunteering at the agency playing with the babies while I'm on vacation. Since I'm not going anywhere and will probably be extremely bored, I might as well so hold some adorable Korean babies, no? haha I got to see them yesterday and they were all just soooooooooo cute!!!!! So, I knew I just had to go back!
Well that about sums up everything. I’ll try to keep you posted when I find out new info!!!
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